Eating
I was having my dinner just now. When I just started eating just now, I felt a sudden joy.
That’s weird. There’s nothing wrong being happy while eating, but I don’t remember noticing that kind of feeling while I was eating. It only started this semester and it happened a few times.
I did not understand this feeling, so I start asking myself why I am so happy. My eyes became wet. I wasn’t sure why.
Maybe, I never notice the joy of eating because I used have too many happy things around me. Maybe, I was just glad that I’ve gone through all the shit that I had been going through few months ago.
Mirin is currently staying in my friend’s place and I felt really bad asking my friend to take care of her for this long. I couldn’t bring myself to keep Mirin at my place. I’m not sure if I’m going through the same shit again.
I wanted to give her away, but…
It was the same reason I did not want to give her away during the Japanese festival where I caught her. Maybe things would be easier if I didn’t catch her in the first place. I never regretted it, I couldn’t. I wanted her to be happy. I can’t give her away hoping the kids would take good care of her, along with 6-7 others that they caught.
I realize the pain has subsided. It took awhile but still, it subsided. I still thinking of her every now and then. Every day.
It was a forceful start and a forceful end. I don’t see why I wouldn’t be traumatized. It changed me, for better or for worse. Yesterday night, I saw myself putting the feelings in a boat, letting it to drift away with the stream of time, literally. A sudden materialized abstract thought right before I slept.
posted by Secret Agent at 7:53 PM
5 Comments:
All this feeling just for a goldfish? 不会吧?
Just want to tell you that I understand your pain. Hang in there. Whatever hurts but does not kill you will only make you stronger! You've got to believe in that!
moola: Don't you think fish-human relationship is so...exciting? >_^
gwyneth: Thanks =) I hope you believe what you've said, or else it wouldn't be an inspiration for me!
I believe in what I say. Of course, I am not suggesting that I am very weak now, but from the weakness...there would eventually be a "rebirth" of sorts when the time is right. And after being reborn, I believe that I would be a much wiser and stronger individual. :)
I mean to say, I am not trying to deny that I am feeling very weak now, but I believe that once reborn (when the time is right), my new self would be a stronger one. :)
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